The pixellated world

To buy or not to buy?

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 09:06:13 GMT

I'm enjoying my Saturn immensely; expect reviews of the excellent Dark Savior and Panzer Dragoon soon. Speaking of the latter, I am very chuffed about the wonderful orchestral music that goes along with it (ooh, pre-mp3 era as well). And so, imagine my delight when an Irish eBay seller offers a musical score book for all the Panzer games....starting bid £50.

Do I buy it, and inflict beautiful game music (probably at least a grade above my capabilities) on my housemates? Or do I buy Panzer Dragoon Zwei for less money, to go with Clockwork Knight and the soon-to-be-bidded-on NiGHTS?

Plz decide, interwebs!

Retro console joy!

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 11:02:10 GMT

I appear to have purchased a Saturn. This is good, because there are a fair few sought-after classic games for it. Trouble is, they're Not Cheap.

It's a funny console, the Saturn. It had so much potential, but the complicated motherboard and Sega's lack of enthusiasm finally killed it off back in '98. I have been searching for it, though, for several very good reasons:

1) Clockwork Knight

2) Panzer Dragoon

3) Shining The Holy Ark

4) Riven

5) Dark Savior

1) is a batty Japanese platform game of prettiness, 2) is a classic fly onna dragon and shoot things job, and the other three are classic RPGs, the latter being the spiritual successor to the excellent Landstalker on the Megadrive. Am looking forward immensely to playing these. Does anyone have any other suggestions for Saturn games to pick up? Or should I try hunting the super hi-tech Video CD add-on? ;)

My Kingdom Hearts for a Wii....

Sat, 06 Jan 2007 17:43:24 GMT

Nintendo really need to sort themselves out; it's now the 6th January and I still can't get my paws on a Wii! ;_;

I was reading the latest entry here and it got me thinking about how we consume games:

Videogames, however, are typically seen as fodder for the unprepared living room - competing for sensory attention against the hustle and bustle of everyday life, and in our particular case, the vicious timing of the kitchen toaster. Not that the casual environment isn't fine, or even ideal for many types of games, but in the case of Shadow of the Colossus, it was clearly demanding something more like the focused grandeur of the cinema, and our clapped-out, second-hand TV on the other side of the room couldn't do it justice.

If we all had to go to a special place to play games, wouldn't that surely defeat the purpose of gaming? The demise of the arcade gaming business is pretty much wholly down to home consoles appearing, so moving back to that wouldn't be popular, and I suspect places would charge the earth for the privilege. It's certainly true that people treat games like fast-food, playing games without truly appreciating the finer things like cutscenes, then moving onto the next game. Rather, games are to be savoured like a fine meal, but alas we don't all have the swishy TV cinema equipment to do them justice. Thoughts? Should we go back to the arcade days? Do games need a better environment than someone's living room? Do you have a Wii? I'll saw off both my legs for one...

Pink? PINK? o_O

Mon, 16 Oct 2006 18:17:57 GMT

Interesting story of the week: they've developed a version of Space Invaders that can be controlled by the mind. For instance, thinking about moving right will make your ship move right. How fascinating!

Grumble of the week: Sony have brought out a pink PS2 and have the cheek to charge £35 extra for this. Why on earth would I want a pink anything? Hello, Sony? Not all girls like pink and fluff. Nintendo would do well to learn this too, as I nearly laughed out loud when I saw pink DS's on display.

I suppose it's symptomatic of games companies attempting to compartmentalise games into user groups. For instance, Nintendo had the laudable idea of pitching memory and puzzle games at the older generation, and games such as Nintendogs, Animal Crossing and The Sims at girls. But, but I play shoot-em-ups too! I don't think you can really say anything as sweeping as 'only boys play Grand Theft Auto' or 'only younger players will like Yoshi's Story'. (Yeah, OK, Super Happy Fun Tree, fair enough, but this game is a bugger to complete. Trust me.)

Finally, the violent video-game argument rages on as normal. As I said before, the last high-school shooting chap had been playing 'violent videogames', which translated to an online Flash game based on Columbine. Of course, the old Daily Mail generation being as it is, the console developers will be punished, and we'll all see bloody violent scenes being censored. Before you know it, Link will have to see of monsters with a foam sword, and Samus will have a water pistol in space. @_@ I think I'll go and destroy some zombies in a big gory mess now. ^__^

dies

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 15:28:52 GMT

Twilight Princess has been put back to October! ;_; Nintendo is just being mean. However, £115 for a Wii before Christmas = win.

In other news, the bloke that shot those people in a Montreal school had- surprise surprise!- a penchant for violent video games. Although what they don't say in the Daily Tory is that he played an online game based on the Columbine massacre. Not a console game. XOMG BAN ALL COMPUTERS EVAR. *sigh* I think I might be violent tonight and fire up Goldeneye. O hell yeah.

LOL Sony

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 19:12:11 GMT

So the PS3 has been delayed until March 07. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Certainly, it's going to be an excellent chance for the XBox360 and *cringe* Wii to establish themselves. But Sony must know that it was silly to delay it. Perhaps, like the mouth-watering Twilight Princess, the PS3 will be worth the wait.

Or maybe I'll keep saving so you can all come play on my Wii come Crimbo. :P

Woo!

Sat, 26 Aug 2006 13:29:20 GMT

Metal Slug is quite possibly one of my favourite evar shoot-em-ups. This Flash version is bloody tricky (and all in Japanese o.O) but omg, I have found a new way to waste time.

I seriously need to invest in Rez. I wonder if that alone is worth tracking down a cheap PS2 for once teh wages come in. I especially loved how everything revolved around the music (the vibration and the game visuals) and how it was like one big trippy dream.

I also covet a Wii. *sigh* I wonder who came up with that name...'I say, fancy playing with my Wii?' >.< But first I'd like a DS and I have a massive list of games to invest in, including the excellent Wario Ware- games for people with short attention spans. :P

I hope games suddenly drop in price, because I can't see my wages lasting very long....

Whee!

Sun, 02 Jul 2006 21:56:02 GMT

I've found some fantastic links to game music projects. First off, this is brilliantly thought out- a full piano rendition of Megadrive Sonic! On the Sonic theme, I really like The Sonic 2 Remix Project. Some of the tracks, like the 2P Results screen music, have been changed beyond recognition; I especially like 'Emerald Nights' and 'Chemical Reaction'. Next up, I found these which cover a few games (loving the Final Fantasy music and OOT's Kakariko theme ^.^). Then there's this chap, who is immensely talented, and his medley from Ocarina is fantastic (Zelda's Lullaby is one of my favourite tunes evar). And, for you rock fans out there, I present Megadriver, everyone's favourite Brazilian 'game metal' outfit who play, er, videogame tunes! o.O 'Hedgehog Metal' is rawk-tastic! \m/ I recommend getting busy downloading all the mp3s from these sites...:P

My life is officially complete.

Sat, 10 Jun 2006 00:00:12 GMT

Climax are remaking Landstalker for the PSP. Oh frabjous day! Is this reason enough to buy a PSP, even though I hate Sony generally? If you only knew how much this game was a part of my formative geeky gaming years! It's absolutely stunning; when it first came out it was quite dear- £60 IIRC- and my cousin gave me it for free because he never played it, bizarrely.

The graphics, for one, are fantastic. Nicely-drawn manga-style sprites, detailed backgrounds, and a neat isometric 2D view that gives a nice illusion of depth. Well, I say 'neat', but you try executing a jump onto a moving platform using the joypad diagonals only. Gah. The music is some of the best I've heard on a 16-bit machine, with spot-on atmospheric dungeon music and pleasant MIDI instrumentation. (For music by the same composer, I heartily recommend the Shining Force series.) As for the gameplay itself, it's your usual tale of a 78-year-old wood elf (the unfortunately-named Nigel) going treasure hunting on a mysterious island with a pixie named Friday. Alright, so it's Zelda in Sega clothing, but it's a most enjoyable romp. And though the progression through the game is mostly linear, there's plenty of scope for exploring side-quests, collecting all the items (I still haven't achieved 100% completion on this game!) and interacting with everyone. The humourous dialogue helps things along nicely ('Who me? Yes, I'm a member, but I don't wear my tutu on my days off' is a personal favourite, from the Madame Yard's brothel problem. No, really.) and the learning curve's about right. Though the last labyrinth is an utter bitch and took me months to finish.

I can't recommend highly enough. Go find! And if anyone wants to buy some slightly used kidneys to go towards the Pixie's PSP Fund, holler. ;)

Ghods I'm missing gaming.

Sat, 13 May 2006 15:34:02 GMT

I am missing gaming so much I am playing really poor-quality online Scrabble-alikes in order to get my hit. I think a blast on the Gamecube is in order later.

In other news, Twilight Princess comes out in November and I will personally saw off my left leg for a copy. Oh, and what in the hell is the new Nintendo console called? I do hope it isn't Wii as the rumour says. This would distress me; there's innovation, and there's being plain silly.

w00t!

Thu, 20 Apr 2006 16:23:57 GMT

I just went on a random shopping trip, and by pure chance stumbled upon a fine audio CD in a charity shop. It's 'Legend of Zelda: Melodies of Time', and I have been hunting high and low for it! You can't get game soundtracks for love nor money over here, and this has music from every Zelda game since the 8-bit days. But, most importantly, I now am the proud owner of the Hyrule Field Theme from Ocarina of Time, and the Great Sea Theme from Wind Waker.

I am a happy pixie. ^_________^

< /Zeldagasm>

Another potential MK stinker.

Sat, 06 Aug 2005 11:30:41 GMT

I just read a preview of yet another Mortal Kombat game, 'Shaolin Monks'. As its name suggests, it follows the adventures of Liu Kang and Kung Lao after the events in the first game. I just lost 10 minutes of my life downloading the 45MB trailer. The most hilarious part of the trailer is when it says 'this title not yet rated'. Bweh? Chopping people in half, pulling their guts out, decapitating folk with a sharp cowboy hat? Nah, can't see the certificate for that one.

As for the game; well, it brings back bitter memories of that horrible Sub-Zero spinoff they did where they tried to make MK into an RPG. It seems to be a sort of action-adventure affair, but with the usual specials and fatalities you know and love. I was pleased to see that Liu Kang's fabby Bicycle Kick has been kept, and the fatalities are suitably gory. But I see that they're already shamelessly pilfering from the flavour of the month, Prince of Persia, as I see that Kung Lao has magically gained the ability to do that flashy Matrix-y walking along a vertical wall thing. Pah, next thing you know they'll be doing that 'bullet time' thing from Max Payne.

Now, the Mortal Kombat games are dear to my heart. I spent a lot of loose change in arcades on the original game as a game-mad teen. I owned MK 2 and 3, and knew every single move and fatality off by heart. I could whoop anyone's ass at school on the game- probably still could if I practised. Yes, even you at the back- I could 'ave you. Played the original game on emulator the other day, and got 3 double flawless victories in a row. And now, Midway are trying to tell me that it's more fun to unlock the other crucial characters by wandering round the Outworld duffing up a selection of baddies? I remain sceptical.

Violence again

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 19:08:20 GMT

As you may have heard, GTA has been pulled in Australia because there is an unlockable porn scene. Whoa there, Nelly. Here I am thinking that leaving a game on sale that contains violence, racism, swearing and murder would mess up the yoof of today. But add some porn, and you have instant breakdown of society as we know it!

I tend to agree with this article, in that I think inherently aggressive people may be drawn to violent games, but that's not true of every single person that plays them. As usual, I predict that sales of GTA will soar because of this.

I feel a review brewing, so watch this space.

Giz-ma-whatchamacallit.

Tue, 12 Jul 2005 20:49:14 GMT

I see the Gizmondo is being trumpeted as the next amazing handheld. I seem to remember there were many problems getting this one off the ground, but now Gamestation is plastered with posters for the damn thing. A quick visit to their website reveals that you will be coughing up as much as £229 for it. Sure, it has many natty features like GPRS, digital camera and Windows Media Player (ack!), and I was fairly impressed with the visual quality of some of the games. But a quick peek at the corporate section reveals that the Smart Adds feature, for which you pay a subscription, is not quite the 'feature rich' experience they make it out to be. It is, alas, nothing more than a chance to send you spam. And if you put up with them, the Gizmondo will only cost you £129. Scandalous! As if that wasn't bad enough, check out this release game. Vegetation-based fuel? Eh?

This, combined with the equally-unlikely entrants such as the Zodiac and Phantom, is making my head spin. Do you think that the new upstarts will make much of a dent in the side of the mighty Sony and Nintendo? Is an adverts-for-cheap-consoles plan unethical? And why the hell did they call it Gizmondo? Answers on the back of a used N-Gage.

Linkage

Mon, 04 Jul 2005 17:45:11 GMT

Take a look at this blog. It just goes to show you you should never believe what you see on TV, especially in a supposedly non-biased games debate. >.<

You might also like this article on gender and games. Shaky in some places, though. I'll dismantle it at a later date.

this is a rather nice series of performances of game music with a full orchestra, choir, video screens with game clips and live-action reenactments. Anyone want to join me in starting a petition to bring it over here?

And, on a soapy note, see here for a rather funny recent Eastenders storyline, in which our hero Ian 'the Squeal' Beale condemns Peter for deciding to take up karate after playing a violent computer game. If you go forward a few pages, we find he eventually gets hooked on the game himself. Could this be a positive move in terms of media representation? Or will young Peter end up nutting Alfie Moon and burning dahn the Queen Vic? Time will tell.

And finally, the the first modding conviction in the UK. Does this mean they'll move on to people who own mass amounts of emulators and ISOs? Anyone know of any last-minute flights to Uruguay?

Been busy with many other computery things, and haven't really been in the mood for gaming rants today of all days. :( But I've been playing a spot of classic Sonic to take my mind off things. I hope all is well with Londoners and their loved ones.

Sat, 18 Jun 2005 21:57:04 GMT

I recently read this article detailing the new dangers surrounding online gaming, and I was rather shellshocked. How could one boy kill another for a piece of computer code? Quite easily, it transpires. Now Chinese courts are debating over whether people shuld be able to sue over theft of online property. Yet another reason why videogames should be banned, the Daily Mail hordes might crow, over their breakfast of roast asylum seeker. They might even cite the recent case of the boy supposedly inspired by Manhunt to kill his friend, or perhaps the Columbine shooters' love of Doom.

Let me tell you a story. When I was 13, I bought Mortal Kombat 3 for my birthday. The game was rated 15, and was the first 'violent' game I owned. From there I acquired other MK games, and once I went next-gen, it was Quake, Turok, Goldeneye and the like. I do love violent games, it's true. I find them to be therapeutic forms of entertainment. But I wouldn't go out and rip someone's spinal column out after playing. Nor would I go and stab someone if they beat me to a pulp in the virtual world. But, nonetheless, I won't stop playing gory violent games because Middle England says I'll turn psycho. Let us consider their arguments against such games for a moment.

First off, games are said to change the part of the brain that governs social interaction, and are also said to augment feelings of anger. Well, they got some of it right. Being holed up playing games might just reduce the amount of time spent with people, which just might unhinge a small minority; but we are blessed with multiplayer games and the Internet, and new friends (and enemies) are but a button press away. As for the anger part, this is also true: never approach someone on the verge of completing a hectic Konami shoot-em-up with one heart on the meter and five ridiculously large anime robots on their heels. But what about the positives? Well, the obvious one is that games improve hand-eye coordination, and that a suitably puzzly game will tax the grey matter some more. And yet for me, the biggest buzz of games, violent or otherwise, is the sheer pleasure of participating and winning. How did you feel, for instance, when you got past the dastardly M. Bison in one of the endless Street Fighter romps? Elated, I'm sure. Let's take an example related to the BBC article. Did you not feel a sense of satisfaction when you levelled up your knight in Shining Force and proceeded to kick proverbial bottom?

I'm going to kill two birds with one stone here: censors should treat games as they treat films. Yes, that means slapping certificates on them, I'm all for that. But what it doesn't mean is stirring up a right hoo-hah when yet another violent game comes out. The silver screen is resplendent with 'nasties' such as Clockwork Orange, Crash and, er, Deep Throat. These films get banned, and as such acquire a certain allure, until eventually the former Whitehouse devotees decide it's better to go with the flow after all. Ultimately, their main problem with games is that it's a two-way thing; technology has evolved to the extent that we are now effectively playing interactive movies, whether it's a slick Tarantino-esque bloodbath or a more racy GTA Vice City affair. Because we are put in the director's chair, we are given quite a power trip. Maybe that's where our hard-earned is going for these extortionate games: poured right into natty speical effects and movie-quality soundtracks. Is that a good thing? Well, I've already had my rant on style over substance.

My point really is that games are starting to bleed those once well-defined boundaries between fantasy and reality. Who'd have thought, during a game of Gauntlet, that we would get to the stage where we would buy and sell level 60 weapons for real cash? Furthermore, who'd have thought people would want to? Then again, we didn't think people were crying out for games where a voice in your head urges you to suffocate a man with a plastic bag on a side-street. Personally, I wouldn't play a game as extreme as Manhunt because it's all very well watching it and feeling disturbed in a cinematic context, but when the controller's in your hands it's your mental state on the line. For most people this means simply 'desensitising' violence and sex by choosing to control it; for a tiny minority who choose to go homicidal for real, the reputation of such games is tarnished, albeit temporarily, until the controversy of pulling it off the shelves makes it wildly popular.

A Nintendo bigwig once said, 'if everyone acted out Pacman, we'd all be eating pills in dark rooms and listening to repetitive music'. OK, so some people do, but for me immediately denouncing every game that comes out is a reductio ad absurdum. I heard of a concerned parent who led her son away from the Mario DS demo because it was too violent ('all that jumping and hallucinogenic mushrooms'). Presumably the same parent who buys her child GTA or Resident Evil, despite his being underage. Can we really put all the blame on the gamers, when the older generation doesn't seem to understand that good ol' BBFC-style classification is there for a reason? True, there is a pot kettle black situation there, and I hold my hands up and confess that I too was naughty with MK3 at 13, but perhaps the calibre of such games is different now. Would you get GTA: San Andreas for your underage child? Or would you rather they flung silly fireballs and crazy fatalities at otherworldly beings in MK or Street Fighter?

It looks like games are getting more and more scary in their content, and the reactions of the minority more extreme. Even I might have to switch off and play some 'violence lite' like Mario or Zelda. Expect a broadsword-wielding elf on your streets soon.

Games + Cartoon spinoffs + big-budget film = gamers armed with sporks.

Sun, 12 Jun 2005 21:40:45 GMT

I stumbled across a site that has info on all things Zelda. It's rather good, despite the appalling grammar and some of the script-y errors (so sue me, I'm pedantic), and also has downloads of the old Zelda cartoon. Remember that one? 'Excuuuuuuuuuse me, Princess!' No? Ah well.

Isn't it funny that gaming spinoffs never seem to work? Remember the Mario Bros. film? Or Kylie in Street Fighter (ok, so I liked that one)? And what about the classic Saturday morning cartoons of Sonic, Mario and Zelda? Why did they fail to light our LEDs? I'll tell you why, good reader. Because it just doesn't work. Like a sardine and jam sandwich, it just doesn't seem right, it strays from the original concept, and it leaves a nasty taste in the mouth. In the Zelda cartoon, for instance, we have a whingy, petulant Zelda and a dumb surfer-dude Link. No no no no no. This is not what we have cherished in our minds for all these years. Sonic's cartoon, on the other hand, starts out promisingly, but then by the second series it suddenly goes all dark and moody, with a cyborg Robotnik and random new characters. I felt cheated.

The main reason, on the whole, that films and cartoons of games don't work is that they are all too often based on games that just don't work for film or TV. I mean, Mario is a platform game where a fat plumber jumps around, collects mushrooms and, er, jumps some more. Similarly, games like Resident Evil or Mortal Kombat are purely linear 'kill baddie, move on' sort of games, which get the usual big-screen treatment of special effects, busty ladies and rock soundtracks. It's all pretty much cookie-cutter stuff. Or, as one blogger pointed out, expecting intelligence from something based on a video game is like expecting McDonald's to serve a sandwich that doesn't have more fat content than Roseanne's left thigh. Sad but true, kids.

But perhaps we are missing the point. Perhaps we get flustered because, as gamers, we feel that it is our right to defend our much-loved games. We are, after all, the 'experts in the field'. Maybe we should open the gates, then. Some might argue that people, having seen the film or the cartoon, will then try the game and thus get hooked, or perhaps cartoons of Japanese or unknown games will prompt a mass buying frenzy. Some might equally say that people will just avoid these spinoffs like the turkeys they are.

There are some good things out there, though. I remember buying the Manga comic of Mortal Kombat back in the day, and thinking it was quite good; it had all the characters, the appropriate moves, and a fairly plausible, could-make-a-decent-game storyline. It, too, was stopped. Now all we have to look forward to is a rash of appalling fanfiction, or even (so help me) slash. And yet, many people I speak to seem to look back on such steaming turds as Wing Commander with fond nostalgia. Yes, I rented the Mortal Kombat film, and I laughed at the wooden acting and lack of plot, but it still gets a viewing now and again.

And let's consider the successful films. We have Angelina Jolie pouting her way through Tomb Raider, there's allegedly Doom and Metroid films in the pipeline, and of course there was the lovely Earthworm Jim cartoon. Erm. That's all the good ones I can think of. Answers on a postcard for the rest. Sadly, promising films like Alone in the Dark and Final Fantasy have flopped at the box office, and so it seems as if we are still sliding down that greasy pole of crossover appeal. Gaming still seems to have that certain cachet of spotty teenage boys who have encyclopaedic knowledge of every Star Trek show. But things are changing. Observe how films are now turning into games (viz. Lord of the Rings or Spiderman), and thus attracting the undesirable cash cows that are casual gamers, or minority groups like your average cinemagoer. Perhaps this reverse crossover may lead to more success. Or perhaps we might get the new movie based on Halo.

If anyone needs me, I'll be flushing my head down the toilet.

Fri, 10 Jun 2005 21:22:07 GMT

I'm very pleased that I've acquired an ISO of Earthworm Jim: Special Edition for the MegaCD, and what's more, I got it working on Kega Fusion. It's quite possibly THE definitive EWJ game out there, with extra levels, souped-up music and more madness than you can shake an angry Peter the Puppy at. In other ISO news, I have Sonic CD up and running, one of the more controversial additions to the Sonic canon, but one with some promising ideas. I'll add these to my 'to review' list.

In other news, a right stramash has started over a journal alleged to be written by a spouse of an EA worker, imaginatively named ea_spouse. There is also another rumoured EA blog here. Genuine or not (and if you skip over the trolls and spam), if such allegations about working conditions are true, legal action should surely be taken. I know I'd never want to work for EA, who churn out piles of trash and have the cheek to call them games, but while I acknowledge that long hours are part of the job, I didn't think it would get to the state that certain friends of mine allege go on in large City banks (working 90 hour weeks, often sleeping in the office etc). We must salute the code-monkeys that are the nuts and bolts of the game-making process!

What are your thoughts on the big companies, and how they treat their employees? Should programmers accept that long hours and crappy pay may be part and parcel of their chosen career, or should we be channeling money from the fat cat execs into making decent games, and making games more accessible to people other than the age 15-30 male market?

Shiny things a-plenty.

Wed, 08 Jun 2005 18:08:42 GMT

I purchased Prince of Persia 2 the other day from my local purveyor of electronic entertainment. As I went to the counter with my purchase, I had to push through a grinning Kappa (for that is the plural) of young townies, cooing over FIFA Street and Star Wars Episode III. This was not a good omen.

I fired up the Gamecube and was greeted with an eye-wateringly lovely cinematic intro; thence I was plunged into a swordfight on a ship, accompanied by a rock soundtrack by the popular scary metal collective Godsmack. I fought my way to the first boss...and was beaten. Game over. Undaunted by this so-called 'normal' difficulty, I tried again. And again. And. Again. Frazzled, I made the cringeworthy step of changing to Easy mode. I scraped by on the tenth attempt, and the next level proved even more troublesome. For the swishy cinematic camera angles ensured that I plummeted to my death every time I tried to do an equally-swishy wall-jump. I wept. Then I put on The Wind Waker.

So why was I so vexed at this game? The answer, dear readers, lies in the substance of the game. I say 'substance', but it was cloaked in the shiny gloss of cinematic splendour. Nothing could be faulted there, to be sure; the visuals were as slick as Devil May Cry, the speech was clear and the atmosphere decidedly dark and brooding. Then it all went Tarantino on me, alas. Blood was spilled everywhere, female villains had less clothes on them than an Amazonian tribesman, and one fight was interrupted by a cut scene where the Prince calls the woman a 'bitch'. I was not impressed. Y'hear that, Mr. Ubisoft?

See, the problem really lies in what I like to call the 'Emperor's new clothes' complex these games have. Sure, you can dress them up in all manner of shiny visual effects, but all Joe Public sees when it comes to the crunch is a naked and somewhat pathetic wreck of a game, fumbling for some proper clothes and muttering, 'well, they said it would work in the beta'. Underneath, the game is either far too hard or ridiculously easy. Plot takes precedence over AI. Hackneyed ideas shine through, putting any originality in the shade. And this is precisely what the new generation of gamers wants, evidently.

Casuals have passed from the football pitch to the gaming world, it seems. No longer content to play through hours of a quality RPG, or find all the secret weapons in a decent shoot-em-up, they are quite content to skip through a half-baked, slapdash affair, before, their appetite briefly sated, moving onto another identikit game. And boy, do they buy games. Why else would the charts be filled with 'quality' gems like WWE Wrestlemania, Singstar Popworld and, er, Mario Party 5000 (or whatever number they're on now)? Such games provide quick, easy and ~~cheap~~ expensive entertainment if you have a boozy party or are perhaps lacking in attention span. Perhaps the best analogy I found is instant gratification of another sort. Viz. this game review:

Imagine spending £40 on a prostitute and realising that she's blind, and that ’she’ is a he. That wouldn't be funny.

Yes, sir, games are the prostitutes of electronic entertainment. Just imagine you had such a habit. You wouldn't go back to the same girl, as you'd get bored. You'd pay anything for some quick gratification. But, at the end of the day, you'd limp home, cursing the latest bout of electronic herpes to strike the gaming world. This I like to call Electronic Arts, or, if you will, the warm beer in the trendy bar of electronic amusement.

Gaming has sadly been gobbled up by the big pimp monopolies that are the major game companies. Cookie-cutter games are churned out for profit, and that profit pays for a bigger, shinier booth than all the others at E3, or a swishy, cinematic ad campaign. Do I sense a pattern emerging? Are we all dazzled by pretty shiny graphics and 'well good' soundtracks? Or is there anyone out there who still appreciates a balanced learning curve, decent AI and not-so-swishy-but-pleasant sound and graphics?

Needless to say, I was quite happy pottering around in The Wind Waker. Until the next advert for Medal of Honour came on.

Fri, 03 Jun 2005 17:08:24 GMT

Just found a photo of Miyamoto at E3 doing a Link. The man's a nutter, but a genius. And I want a 1-Up T-shirt too. I recall Virgin or HMV sold retro Nintendo shirts at one point. Methinks I'll hunt online.

In other news, I found these articles interesting. I say 'interesting', but there are several obvious flaws in the arguments as I see them. I think another article is due from yours truly tonight...

I leave you with a few thoughts, gacked from the Nintendo conference where the lovely DS and the new Zelda were unveiled. What should a new machine do? Something no other machine has ever delivered before, was Nintendo's answer. Yet they refused to reveal specs on the Revolution, making the valid point that beefing up graphics is not the right way to woo gamers. 'We remain all about the game, all about the gamer', crowed Satoru Iwata. But, with the huge glut of superficial graphically stunning games out there, with very little substance, poor AI and minimal fun value other than as 'extended films', we have to ask the question: are the big companies listening to what the gamers want?

More on that later...

If you can't stand the chops, get out of the butchers.

Thu, 26 May 2005 21:38:46 GMT

*seethe*

Have a look at this, yet another example of why censors are out of touch with reality. One might bring up the latest furore surrounding plans to make programmes after the watershed in the UK a 'free-for-all' where anything goes. Since the boundary between family shows and post-9pm is blurred as it is, one could argue that TV is as influential as playing a violent game. I personally don't see how banning the sale of games will impact things at all. As we all know, when game shops withdrew Manhunt, its popularity soared. There's no such thing as negative publicity, folks.

In other news, I'm awfully excited at shots and clips of the new Zelda game, apparently subtitled The Twilight Princess. For a Gamecube game, the graphics have really been pushed as far as it'll go. The lighting and draw distances are impressive, and what's more we get adult Link back, with Epona in tow. Hurrah! That's not to say I didn't like The Wind Waker (and I'll tell you my thoughts on that sometime), but I think this new Zelda game will shake off the twee image WW produced. It seems a more mature game; I even hear there's blood! (Expect a 16+ on that then).

Expect a debate on censorship and games when I get the time...

Thu, 19 May 2005 17:31:53 GMT

E3 season is upon us, kiddies, so here is a little cartoon for all you geeks who'd love to go (myself included!). From what I've seen so far, I'm especially impressed with Nintendo's offering, the Revolution. The size of 3 DVD cases, it allegedly boasts full backwards compatibility with Gamecube titles (Sony and Microsoft, take note) and the ability to download a massive back catalogue of Nintendo classics. Equally eye-popping was the demos of the PS3, which were incredibly lifelike. Let's just hope they make the console big enough to stop it overheating. *coughslimPS2cough*

What's everyone's favourite shiny thing from E3 so far, then? Tempted by XBox 360? Or does Sony get your vote again?

Expect a retro review to magically appear once I've stopped fiddling with Linux...

Tue, 17 May 2005 20:09:31 GMT

Since finding out that Kega Fusion can record game music as wav files, I've been yoinking tracks from all over. It never ceases to amaze me, the cracking tracks on some games. Case in point is the seminal Streets of Rage soundtrack by Yuzo Koshiro, best heard in surround with the bass pumped up. See this review of a soundtrack that was, I think, one of the first to be copyrighted and released on CD. As a 16-bit enthusiast, I'm aware of the limitations the Megadrive suffered from in terms of its sound chip, but Japanese games companies sure pushed capabilities to the limit. For a suitable SNES equivalent, see Tales of Phantasia, whose theme 'The dream will never die' featured a full vocal track (all in Japanese, natch). If I can find a way to wav-ify it, I will link to my site appropriately. Kudos to Toshiyuki Takizawa for creating lovely J-pop I actually like. :)

Edit: In case you're Googling away, the Tales of Phantasia song's original title is Yume wa Owaranai Kobore Ochiru Toki no Shizuku~, and, believe it or not, has been officially released as a single over in Japan. Ker-azy!

Wonderboy returns...with a sex change!

Sun, 15 May 2005 20:52:47 GMT

I have recently come into the ownership of a rather tasty ~~Genesis~~ Megadrive game. A game that was, in fact, never released over here, but instead reserved for lucky Japanese gamers. A game so magnificent...Erm, sorry. The game in question is Monster World IV; the title, though, is somewhat misleading. As some of you may know, Sega was once the proud owner of a series of games under the 'Wonderboy' moniker, and I always felt the series' popularity should have made Wonderboy the 8-bit mascot rather than the weedy geek that is Alex Kidd. Well, there were many WB games, some released only in Japan, and here is where the confusion starts. The series was numbered and named differently over there, and when HudsonSoft acquired the series it was further changed when the games appeared on the Turbografx. So, for such random reasons, the last few games ended up dropping the 'Wonderboy', and in MW IV's case, dropping the actual boy for the final installment. For this game starred a girl who lives in a distinctly Middle Eastern flavoured world.

Some random moment involving a genie. Methinks drugs were involved in this game's creative process.

Storylines are irrelevant in such games; and as the screentext is entirely in Japanese I don't really know what's going on, but I'll wager there's an evil spirit afoot and the girl (named Asha) has to save the day. It's pretty standard stuff. Those familiar with the Wonderboy series will be quite at home with the 'fight through a level, buy equipment in hub town, move on to next level' setup; those who have never played will settle in quickly. Controls are simple, and the difficulty is just right. I rarely come across games that strike the balance perfectly, but MWIV does just that. For example, Asha can take some direct hits from monsters in her stride, rolling in the air to avoid damage, but the next hit will take a heart. It won't have you breezing through, however, as the second level proves. And, as in most games, there lies some appeal in finding more areas to unlock. OK, so it's not quite Wonderboy III's changing into different animals, but instead MWIV provides you with your very own pet to help out. Aaaah. It can only be described as a cross between Kirby and a cat, and is very cute in a Manga sort of way, but, more importantly, he's pretty darn useful. You can hold onto him to fly across gaps, use him to double-jump, and he can even uncover secret doors and act as a shield and a platform, even over jets of lava. Eventually, you'll find a way to feed him, and he becomes so lardy Asha struggles to carry him, but he's indispensable for the tricky later levels.

Asha using her pet 'Kirbycat' to cross large gaps. The screen shot really doesn't do justice to the complex parallax scrolling of the background.

Now, to the purely aesthetic part. The game looks absolutely beautiful. For a Megadrive game, the graphics are very nice indeed; there is no slowdown, I couldn't find any collision detection, and the layers of parallax scrolling in some backgrounds rival the heady days of Sonic 2 and Gunstar Heroes. Characters are drawn in an animé fashion and are smoothly animated; even the little details, like your pet's facial expressions, all add to the cartoony nature of the beast. Bosses are reminiscent of the crazy Konami creations and are equally tough. Musically, the game is full of catchy and expressive tunes that make the best use of the Megadrive's inferior sound chip; for a sample of the town theme, head to my new links page. Nothing is too intrusive, but everything is most pleasant on the eye and ear.

Asha attacks a blue blob early in the game. Everything runs like a Manga cartoon, and some of the later enemies show this influence.

The only points I'd knock off it is for, well, being in Japanese. I believe translation patches are available, but the ones I tried wiped my save data, so I'll just have to keep looking. But I urge you to stick with this gem of a game, as you won't be disappointed. Dig out your 'learn Japanese' books, or just suspend disbelief and give it a whirl. I guarantee this will eat into your time. On my patented rating scale, I give this game...

10 Links out of 10! Go find it!

Asha talks to the princess of Rapadagna Town. Everything is rendered so colourfully. Shame I don't know what she's saying...

Thu, 05 May 2005 19:11:04 GMT

Bah.

I'm missing what's shaping up to be a really good talk in Cambridge about women and video games, followed by a lovely Halo 2 session. :(

What would be really interesting to bring up the issues mentioned in this BBC article, and this Register rant on Sony. We need more discussion on the impact of games on all aspects of our lives, emotional and financial included.

In other news, I found an Atari 2600 emulator called StellaX. The Atari was my first console, and still the most addictive. Just plug in the 32 games in 1 cart and I was away. All you needed was a joystick and a single button in them days. If you fancy pitting your wits against the computer in a visually stunning game of, er, golf, or testing your mathematical skills to the limit with some sums, go here. NB: some French skills may be needed to navigate, but this is a stellar site for emulation for pretty much all consoles, so give it a whirl. All this nostalgia makes me want to buy the Sinclair Spectrum I saw in the window of Gamestation the other day. Expect a nostalgia trip post sometime soon...:)